Have you ever hated a member in your family so much that you want them out of your life?

I know. It sounds mean. I am mean.

I am one evil sister who holds a grudge for her little sister. Bitchy, yes. Errr. It's just that we have a very opposite personality. I abhor her. Especially when she is disrespecting me. I know I am also disrespecting her but, I do not know. And I feel that mom's always in her side whenever we have quarrels. As much as possible, I do not want fights with her and my mom. But, oh please!

I am writing down this feeling of mine of mine because of one thing. I am guilty of what I did during supper. No. It started before our dinner.

I heard mom asking my sister where did she go today. Kaye answered back in a disrespectful way. So I butted in and spanked my sister on her head. I did not know that she secretly hated me for doing that. So during dinner, she was acting very evil towards me making face and everything. My patience run short. I grabbed the fork on my plate and point it towards her while shouting at her. I was really mad. I told her that I am never going to like her. That was the scene where my mom cut off the fight siding with my sister.

I know that what I did was wrong. Very wrong.

But I can't help it. I hate her. And I hate myself for feeling guilty. I hate myself for realizing that what I did was wrong. Afterall, she's still my little sister. And she has done so many good things for me. It's just that we're different from each other. But I love her.

I love her.

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